So I was doing a little random Google-stalking of people I've lost contact with, and I noticed that an old foster sister of mine could have been on Facebook. I say could have been because I haven't seen her in 20 years, and I imagine she's changed since she was 4. The Facebook pic was of a young woman holding a toddler who looked exactly like she did at that age, leading me to believe 1) She really hasn't aged a day in 20 years, 2) She is all growed up and has a kid of her own, or 3) It's not her and I'm stalking a complete stranger.
I found a Reunion.com entry that matched, so I signed up for it, since it was free. In my zeal to reconnect with my foster sister, I guess I missed the disclaimer that said Reunion would spam my ENTIRE GODDAMN ADDRESS BOOK in a marketing blitz from the bowels of hell. Everyone in my address book got a message from "me" telling them to sign up for Reunion.com -- including two guys I dated that I lost touch with on purpose, one friend I lost touch with by accident, and two very confused professional contacts.
Does anyone know how to join the witness protection program without actually having to witness something?
P.S.: If you were still considering joining Reunion.com, stop. They don't even let you see anything helpful unless you pay for their "premium" service, which apparently comes with a Taser and a fake mustache for when you accidentally spam everyone you know and everyone you'd hoped to never hear from again.