Keeping the world safe from rogue crafters

What's a girl gotta do to get some sodium hydroxide in this town? Here's where I'd normally joke about making bombs and meth, but that would probably put me on an FBI list somewhere. Of course, I was probably put on a list after telling the world that Devon kills hoboes. I'm sure the "joke" about popping Balloon Boy's only defense against gravity sent up a few red flags, too.

But seriously, all I'd like to do is make some cold-process soap. For that, I need fat, water and lye. I have already rendered the fat of the obese and gathered their tears, so all that's left is the lye. But I'm told that recent laws make it a ridiculous pain in the ass for brick-and-mortar stores to sell lye. So now I have to buy it online and pay shipping costs for something I used to get easily at the local hardware store.

It's no wonder I'm becoming more crazy libertarian every day.