TMI in da house

My gift to myself for my 32nd birthday was an IUD. Being reasonably sure there will be no surprise babies  is the gift that keeps on giving, because surprise babies are like ninjas. One day you're just minding your own business, and the next you're all, "Oh, hi there, surprise baby. Did the doorman let you in?" I was fucking up my birth control enough during stressful times that it will be worth every bit of the $589 I paid a woman in latex gloves to punch me in the cervix.

They had to do it twice, since it didn't take the first time, so I got punched in the cervix a total of four times.

If you are ever in a position to get an IUD and they tell you that it might hurt a little if you've never had a baby, bite those lying assholes on the face. Still, no regrets here. Other than not biting those lying assholes on the face, of course.