God hates it when I fly to Denver

A TSA employee is the proud owner of two Leathermans thanks to some seriously incompetent customer service on the part of Delta. The day did not start well. The Fatass, who tends to pee and shit when she's nervous, did both on Devon's suitcase on the way to Dad's house, where we were leaving them for the week. We got to the airport in plenty of time, but that didn't matter, because Delta kept us on the baggage-check line for an hour because they hate us and want us dead. And because they were letting people cut the line ahead of us and were generally stupid poopy faces, but mostly because they want us dead.

By the time we got to the desk, it was too late to check luggage, so we had to take it through security. We lost $60 in knives because we had to take through a bag that should have been checked -- a bag that was ultimately checked by the flight attendant anyway.

I'm gonna hire Wayne Brady to choke a bitch.