I admit it: I love Craigslist. I almost never buy anything from there, but I love the massage-therapy ads. And by “massage therapy,” I mean ads for whores.
I love them for being transparent and easy to mock in their poor writing. Ladies, maybe if you’d paid a little more attention in school, you’d be NASA engineers instead of selling cooch online.
Take this one:
“Be happy, healthy, and wholesome, with a darling masseusse!!! ”
I’m not sure one can be “wholesome and healthy” with this “masseusse!!!” But you can probably be pretty happy, briefly. As long as you don’t mind a little exclamation point abuse. Won’t anyone think of the exclamation points?
“Perfect hour glass figure, Sandy will perform a therapeutic/sensual bull body massage using Swedish, yoga stretch, sesnsual Thai, for a most relaxing, warm and wonderful full body massage.”
Because studies have shown that an hourglass figure makes the massage so much better than one given by a woman built like a refrigerator box. Just watch out for the “bull body massage.” It hurts. A lot.
“The father of holistic health Edgar Cayce recommended massage over 1200 times as both curative and preventative for disease, so be fortunate enough to have a healthy habit that actual feels marvelous.”
Cayce also said that China would be converted to Christianity by 1968 and that 1933 would be a good year, so screw that guy.
“Free mini pedicure is included and shower is also available. A little pampering would be the best possible thing to feel #1. Regal Treatment.”
If you want me to feel regal, you can give me the full pedicure. Seriously.
“Please call for appointment 7:am to 1:am. 4 Hand is also available and birthday week specials too.”
Four-hand is available for what? And whose hands? Never mind, I think I know. Also, why is her hair covering her face? Was she horribly disfigured with sulfuric acid in her past life as a district attorney?
Don’t mind me. I’m just bitter because Sandy made more money today than I did all week. And her job is cooler than mine.
W.T.F. Bread machine parts?
How about carburetor parts?
Stumbled on your site, lots a cool ideas about fuel injection and timing, have you thought about the benefits of a full lube and inspection? I’m going to put your site in my all time favorites!!!! Gotta love those exclamation points.
Be honest Monica you provided that last comment, didn’t ya. Later. AJ
I get the most complimentary spam. I hesitate to delete it, because it all tells me how awesome I am.
You rule Girl! I only wish I could get half the cool spams that you get. Most of mine are in Russian or Portuguese, go figure. AJ