Rally to save the eyeballs

So Devon and I were watching the pilot episode of "Fringe," because we've been looking for a series to fill the "X-Files"-size hole in our geeky souls, and I was enjoying it just fine for the first few minutes, until — HOLY EFFING ZOMBIE JESUS, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH FOX?! I remember when "Torchwood" first aired, and people were all, "Oh, no, the bisexuals are screwing each other! Won't anyone think of the children?" and I was like, "Dude, half the time they're screwing aliens (space aliens, not Mexicans), but you're OK with that as long as their pee pees interlock?" But now there's "Fringe," where people get their fucking eyeballs cut out, and I haven't heard anyone say a word about it.

Did you hear me? I said they get their FUCKING EYEBALLS CUT OUT! Removal of the eyeballs is not OK!

Over the first two episodes of the series, a hooker was killed when a grandpa baby (it's a long story) burst out of her uterus (but hey, she was pro-life); a dude killed women by surgically removing their pituitary glands via their mouths while they were still conscious; and people's skin and muscles melted off their bodies like ice pops under a hot sun. Which I guess is fine, as long as dudes don't shag each other.

This one time, at Ren Faire, I had to sit down outside to let my stomach settle and the blood flow to my head normalize after the Medieval Implements of Torture exhibit. Screw that guy for laughing at me. I should have hurled all over him, then ripped a grandpa baby out of his stomach just to see how he liked it.

At any rate, "Fringe" is pretty good, even with the torture porn. I'll keep watching with Devon, since he lets me know when it's OK to open my eyes.