So I asked Devon, "Do we have a nitrous oxide charger?" There was a pause, and he said, "Err, no," like I was some kind of freak for even asking. I guess he's the only one who can ask questions like that. I'd think buying those 8 pounds of lye a few years back would have raised more eyebrows.
For the fine, upstanding Homeland Security agents who may stumble across this blog, the lye was for making soap, and I bought it through a reputable chemical-supply company that no doubt kept all my credit card and contact info. I sometimes wonder why you forced me to buy enough lye to make me dangerous instead of the small container I used to buy at the hardware store, but I would never question the valiant people on the front lines of the war against oversized bottles of hand cream and knitting needles. I say all this in hopes that when I inevitably refuse to pass through your questionable X-ray scanner, you will not stick your latex-gloved hand so far up my cooch you can use me as a hand puppet. Thank you.
But back to nitrous oxide: About a week ago I posted on Facebook lamenting the lack of whiskey-based breakfast foods. Devon's friend was nice enough to post an Instructable for making bacon-flavored whiskey.
I told Devon it was Alan's idea, and to blame him. I've never met Alan in real life, but Devon seemed to find this explanation extremely plausible and nodded in understanding. Thanks, Alan.
In case you're wondering, nitrous oxide has legitimate uses, like for making whipped cream -- and re-creating the old-style dentist experience in the comfort of your own home.