The blog post that never happened

So I was going to blog about the absolutely most disgusting, unromantic thing I have ever asked Devon to do for me, and then I reconsidered. Like, I want to tell you guys about it, but Devon said, "That falls under the heading of 'too much information.'" He pointed out that nobody wants to know that about me, and he's right. If I tell you, I can't untell you, and then you'll know forever. And if I ever run for president, everyone will know, because you guys are assholes and would probably go on Fox News and tell everyone all about it, even if I deleted this blog post.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You guys aren't assholes. I must be on the rag.

So I'm not going to tell you. It's better for everyone that way.

But it was amazing. I swear.