My name is Monica, and I'm an idiot

I'm an idiot because for 2-1/2 years, I couldn't watch TV by myself. Not that I feared doing it: I'm an idiot, not a pussy.

I mean I literally COULD NOT DO IT. Devon's system was so complicated that I could never get it to work with any consistency. There were different settings for the TV, music, Netflix, Boxee, Wii and XBOX 360, and the audio and video did not work together. Even after sacrificing squirrels beneath the full moon, I usually ended up with mute episodes of NOVA.

Mute episodes of NOVA and blood. So much blood.

On the rare occasions I got it all to work together, I did a celebratory endzone dance, complete with pelvic thrusting. It made guests super uncomfortable.

Then I woke up one day and said to myself, "Self, it's bullshit that you can't watch TV by yourself. You should sit on Devon until he fixes this."

So I did, and he did. Convincing him to upgrade our electronics was not hard. In fact, I think he even drooled a bit and did other things he'd rather remain private, but it was hard to tell for sure over IM.

Fixing the thingy that makes the other thingy work required a $600 thingy from Amazon, but it was worth it.