Star Wars isn't sexist. It's racist against people with long, blue head tails.

This blog entry from E.D. Kain from Forbes is evidence not of sexism, but of why people need to take a deep breath and stop seeing isms everywhere. Summary: His stance is that Star Wars the Old Republic is sexist because it allows you to administer electro shocks to a Twi'lek slave-companion named Vette.

That's about as fair as saying SWTOR is racist because it allows you to shock an alien with long tails on her head.

Kain says: "So the inclusion of a shock-collar-wearing slave in BioWare’s Star Wars: The Old Republic, a new Star Wars MMORPG that released this past December, is not so much surprising as it is disappointing. And really creepy."

Of course it's creepy. It's supposed to be creepy. If you shock her, you are a creep. The Sith are creepy. That's why they follow the Creepy side of the force, and the Jedi follow the Asshole side of the force.

The game is full of morally questionable choices, so it's weird that anyone would fixate on this as evidence that BioWare is morally broken. In one Sith quest. you have to pour poison into some slaves' water supply. You can give them just enough poison to cause unspeakable torment, or you can give them enough to slaughter them all. And slaughtering them is the Light Side option.

While you have the option of torturing Vette with a shock collar, it's clear from the beginning that this is the douche-bag path to galactic domination. And female Sith can inflict just as much pain as male Sith, which is exactly what's happening with me and Devon. He's being super sweet to her in hopes of getting into her pants, and I'm shocking her just about every chance I get to keep her in line. If BioWare would get around to allowing homosexual romances, I might be trying to get into her pants, too.

Maybe I'm a closet sociopath, but I doubt it. Roleplaying games are fun precisely because they let us be the kinds of people we will never be in real life. If I were shocking slave girls left and right in real life, I would be playing RPGs about underemployed crafters with a thing for steampunk.

I keep hearing how hard it is to be a female gamer. Maybe I grew up in an alternate universe, but I've never found it hard to be a gamer. We were pretty rare before the days of Team Unicorn, but I always found gamer dudes pretty welcoming. For some of them, I was one of the few girls who would talk to them, which probably helped. And we were all misfits with a love of looting the corpses of the imaginary fallen. The guys who were inclined to be assholes were assholes to everyone.

Which brings me to John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.

Penny Arcade Comic

To see this in action, check out every WoW PvP battleground chat log ever. There's always at least one player bitching and moaning about how much you suck. He doesn't care what you have between your legs. He's just emo because he's going to have to hold off on upgrading his armor a little longer than he'd hoped.

My use of "he" here is probably sexist. For all I know, battlegrounds are full of women roiding out because you insist on fighting midfield in Warsong Gulch.