Open letter to chicks wearing leg warmers

Leg Warmers Dear Friends,

I call you friends because you might very well be my friends. This return to one of the worst fads of the '80s has infected many people -- many good, decent people who won't wear white after Labor Day or mix plaids and stripes. So understand that I'm saying this for your own good:

Leg warmers were never cool. They are not cool now. They will never be cool.

Leg warmers are like coffee cozies for your calves. If you're OK with people associating you with something edible that will keep you up all night, carry on. Just understand that it seems like you're advertising. If you're not OK with this, then remove the leg warmers and come back to the light side. We miss you here.

I'll give you a pass if you live in the tundra. If you do, then a bitch gotta do what she gotta do to stay warm. But if you're standing in Atlantic-Pacific station waiting for a train, I'm certain pants will be just fine. Even thermal underwear under your pants can do wonders.

I'm not sure why leg warmers ever became popular. It was like someone said, "What women really want is to look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from the waist down." And a whole bunch of women were like, "Yeah, that's awesome. And make them look like Stay Puft made his own leg warmers from a bunch of flags he stole from a gay-pride parade."

I say this because I care. You'll thank me when your grandchildren aren't wading through pictures of you wearing coffee cozies.

Love, Dirty Hooker