The time cube has changed my life. I'd been missing batshit crazy on the Internet for awhile, and I'm so happy it's back. There are lots of whackos on the Internet. But most of the crazy ends up being political and at least moderately formed, if retarded, ideas. This is old-school crazy. Crazy like Jana's experience watching a homeless guy yell at his nickel. That kind of crazy is like fairy dust and moonbeams and stores that let you use their toilet without buying anything first. In a word: magic.
It's not just the content that makes this crazy. I don't even understand what he's saying. It's something about there being three extra days in one day or somesuch. What he's saying isn't important. It's the way he says it, like a mad poet.
Check this out:
+1 x +1 = +1 as if a male value and -1 x -1 = -1 as if a female opposite, Hell awaits those who add these.
Then he goes on to say:
Hands Flat on Table With Thumbs Touching – Proves You Are Mirror Opposites – Not A Diabolic ONEist. Opposites Pulsate Life, One Is Death, Earth Has 4 Days In Same 24 Hours.
If the content and writing style weren't enough to make this brilliant, check out the page design and font choices. When I was writing a syndicated column, I got a death threat from a guy who wrote to me on floral-print stationery, in crayon. I'm getting the same vibe here. He's all over the place with font size, color, italics and text placement. Most people left-justify their text, but he doesn't need to follow your goddamn rules, man. He's on a mission. He capitalizes randomly and changes colors from paragraph to paragraph and within sentences. You know he's really intense when his shit turns red for no good reason.
The best part: It goes on to page 2.
I know what you're thinking: How can I generate my own time-cube nuttbaggery? Let me tell you!
Check out Eric Garside's babble generator to play the home game. Also, if you rock Twitter, check out MoarTimeCube. Devon set it up to tweet home-grown time-cubesque nonsense. It makes me weep with joy.