Don't ignore someone's news to tell them about your boobies. It's rude.

I generally don't give socially awkward people a hard time. Even the most Rico Suave of us has a brain fart from time to time. Like, you tell the dude who just got divorced, "At least you got to keep the car," and then you think to yourself later, "I am the worst person in the world. I don't know why I haven't been stabbed in the face by a mob of angry ferrets." It happens.

That's why I'm not going to be too hard on my mother, who farted loud enough for God to hear this morning when I told her about the miscarriage. She responded by telling me about her mammogram. Not "I'm really sorry about your loss. Now listen to the tale of my boobies." I mean she said absolutely nothing to indicate she understood what I said, and then she told me about her boobies, which are perfectly fine, by the way.

(In case you're confused, I mean the mother who fired me out of her cooch, not the one who changed my diapers and left me in a shit-ton of legal fuckery when she died, even though she didn't mean to and is probably really red-faced about the whole thing, wherever she ended up. Unless she didn't go anywhere except take a dirt nap in St. Charles Cemetery, in which case she's probably a bunch of different weird colors. I'm not sure. I'd have to research what happens to a body after two years of decomposition. I'm trying to think of something else to jam between these parentheses to annoy punctuation Nazis, who are screaming at me to just delete the parentheses, because they are totally unnecessary, but I think I'm pretty much done.)

I'm also pretty sure I've made everyone uncomfortable. This is why I don't give the socially awkward too much shit.

I haven't known my mother for too long -- about 7 years. She's known me since she peed on the stick. I lost track of her when I was 3 and she made the wise decision to give me up for adoption to the nice couple who caused the above-mentioned legal fuckery. So I don't depend on her for support, which is why her tactless refusal to respond to my statement didn't bother me.

But if you're ever in that situation, just know that the correct response is, "I'm really sorry about your loss. Now listen to the tale of my boobies."