The Bronx Zoo is a little bit awesome and a little bit bullshit

First the bullshit: Sign: Total Experience

The Bronx Zoo really, really wants you to spring for the all-inclusive package, which doesn't include the camel rides, as you can see in the fine print, so it should be, "Total Experience Minus the Camel Rides." Also, they don't tell you how much general admission costs on the sign, because what kind of cheap asshole doesn't want to pay $30 for all that magic?

Me, that's who.

You have to ask at the counter how much it costs. It's $16, by the way.

After paying for our tickets and walking in, the gatekeeper (not the keymaster) handed us a map -- one of those cheap, 5-cent ones. We asked for another one so my friend Saul and I could both have one, and she refused. Flat-out refused. Apparently, Bronx Zoo policy is that they can give only one map per group. So if I'd pretended to not know Saul, we would have gotten another map. Screw us if we wanted to separate at any point. Being ridiculously cheap when you're still hoping people will spend money inside the zoo is not the way to make friends, guys. We declined the photo they wanted to take of us right after refusing to give us a map, but in fairness, we weren't going to do that anyway.

Now for the awesome:

The Bronx Zoo is very different from what I remember of my third-grade class trip. They do a much better job of making it feel less like a circus freak show and more like walking through a park where there happen to be polar bears.

Polar Bear



This gorilla spent quite awhile staring at us through the glass before pounding it and walking away.


This is Saul. We're not supposed to let zoo animals come home with us, but he offered to drive.