It's OK for the TSA to grope you but illegal for you to do it back

We're going to Colorado in July, and while I'm looking forward to the trip, I'm not looking forward to the flight for reasons like this. The TSA is one of my angry ranty buttons, like creationism and dark chocolate. Because dark chocolate is awful and I don't know what people are thinking. Angry rant ahead: What the hell is up with treating normal, law-abiding citizens like criminals as a matter of procedure? The TSA hasn't caught a single terrorist, but it has saved the American public from cans of soup and over-sized bottles of shampoo, so I guess there's that. I don't worry that I'm going to die in a terrorist attack. I worry that the TSA is going to steal my hand cream and finger me against me will. A friend visited recently, and her primary concern about her flight back was that the TSA was going to steal the Hello Kitty vibrator she bought at a sex shop in Manhattan.

Before anyone says it, the TSA are not police. They do not have police training, nor do they have police authority. They are not officers; they are agents. They are trained to confiscate your toothpaste and give you the stink eye if you take too long getting your shoes off.

What I hate is the objection that "not all TSA agents are bad." I'm sure that's true. I'm sure in private, many of them are witty conversationalists, excellent dancers and help feed the homeless on Thanksgiving. But when they put on a TSA uniform, their job is to violate the civil liberties of every American who just wants to get on the plane without a genital exam. "I'm just doing my job" isn't good enough.

The backscatter machines aren't the answer. Even if they're safe, they are also totally unnecessary, ridiculously expensive and don't stop terrorists. But they do take funky naked pictures, so yay.

Ranting against the TSA isn't new, but I never want to get to the point where I'm OK with it.