Lesson No. 1 about kiddie porn: Just say no

I was reading PC World and I came across an article about some ransomware going around the Intertubes. You get a notice saying you've been busted for surfing kiddie porn and have to pay a fine of $100 to the Justice Department to unlock your computer. There's so much wrong here I don't know where to start. Let's go with the obvious.

I'm going to assume kiddie porn isn't your thing. If it is, please, for the love of Odin, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

If you get a notice saying you've been appreciating the underage set a little too much, why on Earth would you nod your head and agree to pay a fine for it? Are you so used to bullshit parking tickets that you just pay anything that says "fine" on it? Stop it!

If you're nailed for kiddie porn, you aren't going to get a $100 fine. That's what happens when you're busted mixing the recyclables in with the regular trash. For pics of children having sexy time, you will have the purtiest mouth in cell block C. Other prisoners will trade you for cigarettes. You will have no choice but to be good to Big Momma if you want her to be good to you. I hope I've made myself clear.

In summary: 1) If you surf kiddie porn, stop now. Don't tell me about it. Just stop. If you get a message telling you to pay a fine, put the money toward a good attorney instead. 2) If you don't surf kiddie porn, don't agree to pay fines for doing so. It makes you look like a twat.