I sincerely regret to inform you ...

To the guy on Facebook who asked whether he could get me pregnant: Thank you for your application to be my baby daddy. Due to the overwhelming demand for this position, I must respectfully decline your offer to inseminate me with your seed. While I am sure you produce the highest quality sperm, my uterus is as full as it is going to be at this time.

The applicant chosen for this position had prior experience knocking me up and approached this endeavor with great enthusiasm.

I wish you the best of luck in your future attempts to obtain a genetic legacy. I am certain you will meet with success in finding a willing pair of ovaries to aid you in this task.

Sincerely, Dirty Hooker

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