Jesus is the light, motherfucker

Those were the words on a Precious Moments spoon I got for Christmas from a friend. Maybe the "motherfucker" part wasn't there, but it was implied. Maybe that's because Samuel L Jackson narrates my internal monologue. Those are also the words I mumbled to Devon as his uncle read a passage from the Bible about the birth of Jesus. Devon held my hand and squeezed it affectionately. I'm interpreting it as an affectionate squeeze. He might have been willing me to shut the hell up before we got banned from Christmas dinner for the next six generations. I don't know why adding a "motherfucker" to something makes it wrong. I was talking about Jesus! It was Christmas! That's what I'm supposed to do!

Of course, at that moment, his uncle was complaining that the light over the sink was blocking him from seeing his brother in law. So in this case, Jesus was an asshole who wouldn't get out of the way, which is rude and Jesus should know better.

You don't get to be an asshole just because it's your birthday, Jesus.