You might be thinking, “What the hell, Dirty Hooker? You’ve been gone for nearly two years and you come back with that?”
I had a baby and struggled to find anything interesting to say before I acknowledged what might have been obvious to y’all from the beginning: I was a vapid, mindless void.
I didn’t have post-partum depression. I just had a two-year-long case of being fucking dull and unimaginative. That might still be the case, but I do want to write again, and a couple of people have asked me to. I’m a praise whore, and a cheap one at that.
I didn’t want to be a mommy blogger -- not because I have anything against mom blogs. I read a bunch of blogs written by talented women with interesting ideas. I couldn’t imagine adding to the volume of information already out there in any meaningful way.
But I blog about what I live, and I am a stay-at-home mom now. Of course, I’m other things, too. I read books and play video games and drink whiskey. But most of my day is defined by caring for a toddler (and drinking whiskey), so that’s what occupies most of my thoughts.
It’s a good life, just not a sexy one.
The other difficulty I face in writing is that my life is relatively free of conflict. My primary challenge involves listening to a small person repeat the word “apple” 6 billion times without selling her to hungry cannibal clowns. It’s a much different world from caring for my terminally ill parents, burying them, cutting off family members who made me miserable, getting laid off, and moving 1600 miles away. Now I live in a great house, I’m happily married, and I have a kid I adore.
As hilarious as stories about Alzheimer’s and cancer are, I’m glad my life is no longer a country-music song.
My challenge now is to write about ordinary days that revolve around things like potty training.
See, I got back to the point eventually.