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Category Archives: Uncategorized
Just say no to cre8tive names
So Devon and I were talking about what we would name a kid if cynical bitterness turns out to be a poor form of birth control. A girl would be Aurelia, after my grandmother. Devon came up with Ptolemy for … Continue reading
My hair feathered just writing this
There will never be a decade as awesome as the ’80s. I know what you’re thinking. Shut up. You know I’m right: You just won’t admit it. It’s my job to bring you to the light with the top five … Continue reading
My meth-making business died before it truly lived
Devon and I just started watching “Breaking Bad” because we enjoy being way, way behind on all the latest trends, and I realized I would be a terrible meth dealer. Not just because I suck at chemistry and would blow … Continue reading
Game review: Dragon Age II
I know what you’re thinking: Dragon Age II came out about 6,000 years ago, so this review is more like your bald, toothless, one-legged grandpa telling you what a stud he used to be during World War II. To that, … Continue reading
The War on Religion is back, baby!
Were you aware that every day in America, children are being flogged for praying in schools and wishing people a merry Christmas? It’s true! Rick Perry says so. Here’s the story at Fox News: The only legitimate news source on … Continue reading
I reserve the right to be a cranky beyotch
I’m just about done with the “first-world problems” meme. I get the intent behind it. Every once in awhile, we need to remind ourselves that missing the bus isn’t like running from rape gangs in the Congo. But some people … Continue reading
FDA tells sperminator to knock off all that sperm-making
This is one of those stories that sounds like an Onion article but isn’t. The Food and Drug Administration is telling Trent Arsenault of California to stop giving his sperm away like it’s a keg party at Delta Tau Chi. The best part … Continue reading
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DIAF, Kathleen Sebelius
You might have seen this article floating around the Internets. In short, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius vetoed the FDA’s decision to make Plan B available over the counter to anyone who wants it. Currently, people 17 … Continue reading
These aren’t my pants
Well, they ARE my pants. Sort of. I own these pants now thanks to the Finders Keepers Losers Weepers Law. That law was passed right after the Patriot Act, which is why no one noticed. Really, people, you need to … Continue reading
Spankings for everyone!
I knew we slipped from the newlywed phase into domestic tranquility when rubbing Devon’s back made him think about household appliances. Devon: The Maytag Maxima is an awesome dryer. I can’t wait until we have a house so we can … Continue reading
