Posts Tagged ‘Death. I am going to hell’

Interview with a moron

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

I was calling around for some price quotes on 24/7 home care for mom, for if and when she comes home, and I had this conversation with the receptionist.

Receptionist: So, what is her medical condition?
Me: She is terminally ill.
Receptionist: What?
Me: Terminally ill.
Receptionist: Does that mean she’s gonna die soon?
Me: Yes.
Receptionist: Oh. Sorry.

I can’t be irritated. I’m still laughing too hard. I’m just surprised the next question wasn’t, “So, does that mean this is a short-term assignment?”

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Arrgh, matey!

Friday, November 21st, 2008

When I Googled “pirates,” I expected to get lots of baseball crap. But the Pittsburgh Pirates ended up being only the fourth hit down, preceded by Wikipedia entries on piracy and the video game “Pirates!” In first place was something relevant to my search — a National Post article on pirates in Somalia.

All of the Johnny Depp jokes have been made on Fark already, so I won’t bother, but I don’t get why it’s so hard to catch these guys. Just steal their peg legs and eye patches, and they’ll be gimpy dudes with no depth perception.
It seems pretty simple.
I’m sure international piracy has serious repercussions on blah blah blah and all that, but it’s hard to take this shit seriously when all I can think of are parrots screeching, “Shiver me timbers!”
Then I Googled “shiver me timbers” and found that it essentially means “may God strike me dead.” Which will happen soon enough, no doubt.

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