But if you stop and think about it, it gets more and more retarded. And then you realize why Fark gave Florida its own tag.

Ronda Storms, a Republican state senator from Florida, says it’s about the unfairness of taxpayers paying for junk food items combined with concern for the health of poor kids. But it seems the goal is more about gaining a petty sense of moral control. Dog forbid poor people enjoy — and let their kids enjoy — a snack every once in awhile.

This is increasingly nonsensical when you consider all the unhealthful foods that are still available: orange juice, apple juice, flour, sugar, bread, sugary yogurt, etc. Kids will be putting down the chips and picking up those gross yogurt pops, I guess. I wonder who gets to decide what is junk food — and how long it’ll be before Florida just starts sending people boxes full of the foods they’re allowed to eat. It would be a lot simpler that way.

The worst part: The law doesn’t even save Florida any money. It’s not about cutting costs. It’s about waving a “naughty, naughty” finger at people who are getting kicked in the teeth already. I always assumed these programs were about keeping people from starving to death, not about imposing some state-approved diet on the poor. Stupid me.

Note to Florida: Your poor residents may very well be abusing the system, but it isn’t by munching on a 99-cent bag of Cheez Doodles. Back away slowly from the smug self-righteousness.

If you’re an alcoholic, that is. This multivitamin claims to support liver health and other crap that might keep you from keeling over when your liver finally stiffens into a decrepit paperweight. I have no idea whether that’s true. I’ll verify it after I finish this whiskey.

-- From The Domestic Scientist

The Deathwing Cake is not a lie.

This cake from The Domestic Scientist makes me want to slay dragons.

JustJENN recipes has lots of geeky baking projects. This one can be modified to make ornaments with just about any cookie cutters you happen to have.

-- from justJENN recipes

This magnet is available from Scarf it Down on Etsy. I linked to a shrimp scampi scarf from this shop a few days ago. I’m not sure I’m eccentric enough to walk around in that scarf, but this magnet is pretty cute.

The Huffington Post ran the article “Thanksgiving Food Fears: How to Cope with Holiday Eating Stress,” which is just one of the many articles dedicated to the legions of people quaking in their jeans over the sight of cranberry sauce.

It’s too late for this Thanksgiving, but I hope my tips for avoiding eating anxiety can help you not stress over meaningless bullshit during the next holiday you celebrate.

Just say no. Seriously, they won’t strap you down and force-feed you more stuffing. If you have the kind of family who does this, my condolences over your traumatic childhood. It’s completely reasonable for you to spend Thanksgiving alone with a bottle of bourbon and some video games.

Eat all you want and don’t worry about it. Even if you stuff your face like a whore at a blow job convention, a few days of overeating won’t matter much. If you have a weight or binge-eating problem, by all means, do what you need to do to feel better, but double-fisting the cheesecake once a year isn’t the reason your pants are tight. You’re probably overeating the rest of the year, too, so it’s silly to fret over one day. Also, you would have to eat an entire village of starving Ethiopians to gain an appreciable amount of weight over a few days. Don’t eat any Ethiopians and you’ll be fine.

That’s all I’ve got. If you don’t want to eat, don’t. If you do want to eat, dive in. Thanksgiving is fucking delicious, and I regret nothing.

+++++++

This shit’s cool. Trust me:

Unicorn chopsticks
Scarf good enough to eat 

This is what happens when a dude buys $50 worth of M&M’s, leaves them home for two days and expects me to exercise self control.

I considered leaving it there. You know, in case I get locked in the bathroom for days and run out of cat food. But in the end, that M&M never had a chance.

We went out for dinner with our friends Amy and Ellen over the weekend, and Devon accidentally strolled into the women’s bathroom.

It ain’t no thang. I remember the time I accidentally walked into the men’s bathroom, and I had to camp out in the stall while a seemingly endless stream of men used the urinal. Somehow, the fact that there was a urinal didn’t strike me as odd when I walked in.

But anyway, I promised the old ladies he wasn’t a pervert, which is where I lied. But it all ended happily and no one went to jail.

Later, we went to the M&M’s store in Times Square, where Devon spent $50 on M&Ms because he missed the sign that said the candy was $12.99 a pound, and he filled that bag like a starving Somalian at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

What $50 in M&M's might look like

Then he felt bad, because no one wants to spend 50 bucks on M&M’s, but it was too late to turn back, so I told him to just enjoy the chocolate and think fondly of that time he was a total sucker.

Devon’s lucky I have a slow burn. Someone will say something, and then three days later I’ll realize I’m angry, at which point it’s pretty stupid to say, “Hey remember that thing you said three days ago? DIE!”

At any rate, lips and assholes are pretty tasty with salsa.