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Tag Archives: I am going to hell
The Force watches you masturbate
My friend Donna and I were playing SWTOR and we decided to name The Force “Ceiling Cat.” It started with a discussion of the powerful nature of The Force and how it intervenes in your life, at least according to … Continue reading
I finally drank the Jedi Kool-Aid
Yes, I’m playing Star Wars The Old Republic. So far I’m fairly impressed, although my toon is still in newbie land, so there’s a lot more to see before I decide whether it’s going to be my new boyfriend. I … Continue reading
FDA tells sperminator to knock off all that sperm-making
This is one of those stories that sounds like an Onion article but isn’t. The Food and Drug Administration is telling Trent Arsenault of California to stop giving his sperm away like it’s a keg party at Delta Tau Chi. The best part … Continue reading
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These aren’t my pants
Well, they ARE my pants. Sort of. I own these pants now thanks to the Finders Keepers Losers Weepers Law. That law was passed right after the Patriot Act, which is why no one noticed. Really, people, you need to … Continue reading
Not everyone can handle how awesome I am
Devon and I were drifting off to the sounds of the forest at night thanks to the sound machine we bought way back when Fitz spent most of her waking hours licking herself. And by that I mean a peaceful … Continue reading
I’m not ‘adopted.’ I’m a ‘gently used human from a third-party uterus.’
I say “retard” a lot. It’s not PC, and that’s sad. Not sad to me, of course, but sad to people who wish I wouldn’t say “retard.” It’s the euphemism treadmill – where words that had perfectly acceptable meanings become insults, to be … Continue reading
I can’t even pretend my husband isn’t a pervert
For reference, you’ll need to know the following: 1) Rule 34 is the idea that if you can conceive of it, there’s porn about it. 2) My Little Ponies are the best toy figures ever. Anyone who questions this truth is … Continue reading
Why my friends shouldn’t leave me alone with their children
Devon and I were in a cab with some friends on the way home from a wedding when the conversation turned to kids’ shows. Our friend mentioned she took her daughter to see something called “Freckleface Strawberry,” which is apparently … Continue reading
Craft Friday: Someone’s gettin’ a spanking
This kitchen rack from Craft is suspended by two belts. It holds utensils by day and dispenses sweet justice by night, when your whiny ass is gonna get somethin’ to cry about. And I know what you were thinking, gutter brain. … Continue reading
This cat is STILL an asshole
We were happy to have our friend Amy stay with us for the weekend, but Devon and I made a terrible mistake. We allowed Sahrah to sleep with us in the bedroom for two nights to keep her from bitching … Continue reading
